The Genuine
by Miss Asian
Summary: I could set aside my title, my guardianship, my being a husband… I could just break free from all of them even for just a short period of time. And in that manner, I could be the real me… the real Carlisle Cullen.


**This was something I had come up. Being the boring person that I am. Hope you'll enjoy the contemplative side of Carlisle. Reviews are kindly appreciated. **

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**The Genuine**

The gentle air that was flowing from the air conditioner was not something that could weaken my body at this time of the day. I could never feel the cold and warm temperature around me. Homeostasis was the word. My fingers were tapping the desk absentmindedly. It was a human habit I've gotten used to in order to keep myself acting like I was one of them. I managed to sit still for half an hour before I decided to grab my bag and went outside my office.

I was still wearing my lab coat as I was walking through the silent brightly-lit corridor of the hospital. The nurse I'd passed smiled timidly at me and I nodded courteously. I would never lose that… being a gentleman. For nearly four-hundred years I was living in this planet, I haven't changed a tiny bit. When I got in the parking lot, I opened my Mercedes and climbed in.

"Now what?" I asked myself while my hands are placed on the steering wheel. There was nothing to be done. I wasn't needed here for the meantime. There were few patients but most of them had a minor case. Doctor Gerandy was the only one needed and unfortunately, I wasn't. How I despise the feeling of not being able to help other people who needed care.

I heaved a sigh before I ignited the car and drove through the wet roads of Forks, Washington. I have never felt to be this utterly useless in years! The very thing I enjoyed the most doesn't need my assistance and I have no idea what to do next. Emmett and Rosalie were both having their honeymoon for heaven knows how many times. Edward's own family had gone to Denali to visit Tanya and the others. Alice and Jasper were out hunting and they would be back by tomorrow. And that only left one person in the house, Esme…

I stopped the car in front of the house and hurried towards the main door. I searched every corner, called her name, listened for her breathing or a tiny movement. But nothing came. No one was inside the house. Where could my wife be at this moment?

"Esme?" I called, louder than normal. I was feeling a bit of panic and mostly… alone. I threw myself on the bed, spread-eagled and just stared endlessly on the ceiling.

All of them were gone and I was the only one here. It felt like déjà vu. A century had passed since I was living alone by myself, with no companion, with no… _family_. I had endured a tumultuous two centuries of forlorn existence with nothing except my wisdom. I couldn't believe I had led such a monotonous life. But everything had changed ever since I turned Edward as my first companion in this complicated being. Each of the succeeding ones had made a great impact on my life, especially Esme. They loved me and I highly loved all of them as my real family. And now I felt like everything that I'd buried in my past was coming back.

I didn't exactly kept tabs on how long I'd laid there in the bed before I got up again. I hastily took off my tie and unbuttoned my shirt. I needed to go shower before someone complains about me smelling like the hospital. And then, I saw myself in the long and wide mirror.

I'd never given much thought about how I look. I supposed I was so used in seeing myself being reflected in other people's eyes for centuries but it was different looking at my mirror image. It was the same features that never changed for a very long period of time. The feeling of being overwhelmed by different emotions was simply odd. The man in the mirror was very young for the age he had claimed to be for human charade. _Twenty-three._ I pondered. I was a husband, a father of six and a grandfather of a lovely child. How come I'd never thought of that matter before?

Of course, I may look young but my mind and my heart was more mature in every ways. I had witnessed so many phenomena in my long life and it left a bearing on me somehow. I was definitely not like any other family man. I was different in a way. The thought was strange but this contemplating had managed to stall away the time.

I ran my hand through my fair hair as I made my way into the bathroom. I lunged myself on the water and contemplated a lot more about everything. I remembered being called a '_persnickety_' person by Alice and I guessed she was right. I was obsessed with details, with new information. That was something that could transform my sporadic boredom into something highly interesting; something I could divert my attention to.

I cared a lot about people. I don't know why I became the person I was right now. It was something that I felt… an object that pulled me towards the purpose of my existence. I became like these to serve people; to take care of them. Vampires or humans; both of them didn't make any difference to me. In my mind, in my heart… all I knew was that I really need to do this thing. I was a doctor… and I will forever be.

Self-control. That was my best trait. I could barely smell the scent of blood anymore. I had performed countless surgeries for Pete's sake! The enticement of blood didn't bother me either. I remembered treating Bella back when she had been a victim of James and also the glass wounds on her arm she had received on her birthday. She had the sweetest blood I'd smelled in centuries yet the scent of it didn't lure me in a sense that I would be a danger to her. I knew my limits… I knew what I could do… what _I_ must do. That's what self-control means and I've practiced it long enough to just break it in that instant.

Somehow, I felt utterly useless when it comes to a point where I have no idea what to do except to lie around and contemplate things that had happened in my lengthy existence. I could set aside my title, my guardianship, my being a husband… I could just break free from all of them even for just a short period of time. And in that manner, I could be the real me… the real Carlisle Cullen. I could be the person I really was and would always be.

There always come to a point where I was compelled to do such things that could alter everyone's lives. It wasn't something that I never got used to… It was the feeling of being able to spread a message I'd always wanted to say ever since I was just a little kid when I'd witnessed my father talking negatively about the other creatures that existed in this world. I knew then that I wanted to prove him wrong. It was a word that a person of different kinds usually ignores. _Coexist._ That was the only thing I wanted the most. That was the dream of Carlisle Cullen. A dream that seemed to had influenced some but not all. It was a dream that would never become true maybe in a million years.

Not all of us were monsters. I had successfully created my own family and others in living harmoniously with humans and that made my dead heart swell with joy. Yet… there were others there. Others that were sadistic… others that simply didn't care or even think about what they were doing. They had embraced monstrosity… the real nature of our kind. But we always had a choice and luckily, I had found the will to do what I thought was right. I hadn't killed a single human or even drank their blood.

That was me. The compassionate one… I didn't know where it rooted from. Maybe from the deepest pit of my heart I'd come to release and let it engulf my whole self, my whole personality. Wherever I look, I always felt it emanating from me like it was involuntary. There was no escape. Not like I wanted to.

When I was all cleaned and dressed, I went downstairs only to find no one waiting for me. Was there something I missed or forgot? All I knew was they were all busy. But where could my wife be? I went outside in the backyard, toying with the baseball I had picked from the living room. I remembered the last time we had played it. It was a long time ago and a very climatic one.

The clouds were disappearing. It was dusk. The silence of the surroundings haunted me in a way. I missed the laughter of my children. I miss every one of them. Why did they need to be gone when I was the one who wasn't doing anything? I just couldn't run-off to them. I would just probably add to their moments. I didn't like to hover or something. I chuckled half-heartedly and sighed.

I went back inside the house and it was the first time I'd noticed a small white paper stuck under a vase on one of the end tables. I quickly moved towards it and read the note.

_Clearing._ It said and I instantly recognized Esme's handwriting. The next thing I knew, I was running through the forest. My breathing was jagged as I half-expected something to be up and I knew there at least must be. Why would she leave a note? She could have told me. Half a minute had passed and I would know the reason why…

"Happy 365th Birthday, Carlisle!" they all shouted, all smiling warmly at me and all sporting our baseball attire. I managed to break a smile. It was my birthday! How could I forget such a thing? It seemed insignificant to me. Yet I felt so _alive._ Like I was a human celebrating a normal birthday but I went far too much in years. I saw all their beautiful faces… Edward, Bella, Nessie, Emmett, Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Esme… and yes, even Jacob.

As I was walking towards them, I'd realized that I couldn't just break free from my family even for just a second. I would never ever do such a thing like that. I was responsible in why they were all here. I knew that this part wasn't just an obligation to do but it was my nature. It was my whole. They were the persons that made me entirely who I was.

The true Carlisle Cullen.


End file.
